porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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