i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
