He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
