he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
