threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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