I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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