I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
