I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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