JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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