drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize