im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
