2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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