things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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