dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
