were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
