i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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