If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Alive.
So much puke
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
