U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
