Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
