is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
