My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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