Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
