she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
