I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
