How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
