I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
