I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
