I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
