true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
