I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
