You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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