one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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