btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
