Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
