Don't you send me to vm
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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