the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Apparently you make a good broom.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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