I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
