I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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