Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
