repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
