Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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