i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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