This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
