Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
