Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize