I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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