Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
