you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The best revenge is premature balding
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
