I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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