You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
