I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
