New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
