so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
