His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
