He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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