I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
