i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
