yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
