I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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