Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
