i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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