Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
