I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Life is so much better after having sex.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
