weddingsv make me drug and hornr
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
