Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
