Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize